Saturday, June 02, 2007

Blog, Mexico Style

So the story of the wedding, as told by my eyes....

Saturday, May 27th, 8am:

Am at work. Have huge, HUGE case going on while I am gone and I don't want to make my boss or anyone else feel like I am phoning it in. Begin work early, plan to stay all day.

We all get fake tans. Yes, we drop trou and get airbrushed with perfect tans. By 10 that night, we look like we had just returned from Mexico, not about to go. This is what women do to avoid the sun -- we pay money to look like we are in it, because none of us fair-skinned women can afford the aftermath of skin damage.

2pm until 11pm:

I work.

Sunday, May 28th:

I work from 8am-11pm

11pm: Call P, ask her to make sure she calls me to wake up for our 7am flight. Call often and regularly. Call other person who is three hours ahead and make same request. Am loopy from no sleep and need to pack and get something approximating sleep.

Monday, May 29th:

5am: 14 phone calls unanswered, P shows up at my place at 5am, dragging my sorry ass out of bed. Had been up most of the night working and sending emails. Take world's quickest shower and we head to airport. Really haphazard packing job.

6:15am: Realize (at airport) that I have somehow left my wallet in P's car. Cab back to parking lot, grab wallet, hope this is the worst.

5pm (Cancun time): P's luggage doesn't arrive. Rental car place requires energy. Not so much vacation.

8pm: Where are J&K? The tequila bar, of course. We rally, hang out with them. Unpleasantness ensues between the two of them, most likely owing to nerves. We temporarily wonder if we are going to be kicked out of this fine resort, owing to late night altercations.

Tuesday, May 30:

9 am: Great breakfast. Weather sucks. Humid and rainy, most of the time. We decide to just read and drink, except for when I have to work

11am-4pm: I work. Bothersome to everyone. Also, I check Blackberry constantly.

5pm: Fuck it, work sucks. Let's drink

5pm-??? Earlier plan rules the day. We drink, laugh and have fun. Make new friends with cool wedding party. BEST FRIENDS FOREVER.

Wednesday, May 31:

9am: Breakfast? Hell yes, they get that right.

11am: Go to Talum. Let's blow this popsicle stand. P and I head out for a day away. Check out Mayan ruins, people watch, etc.

11am-5pm: Afternoon at our leisure. We see the ruins, stroll Playa de Carmen, have kickass lunch on the beach, resolve to come back to Playa on Friday

6:45 pm: I show up at rehearsal dinner scheduled for 6:30. NB: Seattle folks should never, ever order salmon unless in a proper west coast city. I read my blackberry, talk to my colleague about the days' events that I missed and berated the Carribean salmon.

8:00 pm: Dinner is over, have sudden, inexplicable need to apologize to B for the demise in our marriage. Send said text message. Get increasingly drunk.

11pm: Fall and hit my head. Am mercifully and sufficently intoxicated that I apparently jumped up and apologized for the distraction. P walks me back to the room and I do the honorable act of passing out.

Thursday, May 31: Day of Wedding

7am: Wake up with huge goose egg on my scalp. Can't quite remember how I got back to the room, so I assume the bump indicated I had a good night. P comes out and explains how worried everyone was the night before, as apparently, I can take a beating to the head whilst under the influence of tequila. Am over it.

10 am: Eveyone we know asking if I am okay. I assure them that I am, and if I start seeing double, I will go to town. Also? Huzzah to me, having hit the hell out of my head and being no worse for the wear. But holy fuck, my head hurt.

3pm: Beginning of the wedding preps. I dried K's hair painstakingly, as the hairdresser failed to show. Until one hour before the wedding. In which case, K's hair having been "done" -- she did mine. And big ass hair ensued.

5:30: Holy fuck, how are we running so late

5:55: Them: is time for all of you to leave the room and get going to the whole ceremony thing. Us: Not so much.

6pm: We leave the room. 15 seconds later, K realizes her written vows are in the room. We get security, fresh keys, etc. Crisis avoided.

6:04: Did I mention the beachfront wedding was redirected to the hotel lobby on account of crazythefuck rains? It was nutty - the weather the whole time was nutty -- but right before 6pm, it was dumping. Unfortunately, this made it more slippery for us and K nearly took a header on her way to the altar. I will NEVER forget the look on her face when she steeled herself after a near miss. Am carrying, at this point? Two vows, two rings and my maid of honor bouquet.

6:05pm: I suppress my laughter at how she almost bit it. Judge me all you want, but people falling down --including my near-certain concussion the night before -- is just funny. On top of the impending hurricane, the forgotten but recovered vows -- it was all funny. K looked amazing, by the way, as did Natalie.

6:15pm: We're all in place. Here we go

6:20pm: Holy fuck, is that a tear? I don't tear up at weddings. Must be the humidity.

6:25pm: Nope. Am actively tearing up. Thank bob no one is taking pictures, except for her goddamn wedding photographer and everyone else watching. I know people with mad Photoshop skillz that can 'shop me right out.

6:20-6:45pm: Great wedding. Honest, real, pure and raw. You had to be there. You really had to be there. Fanfuckingtastic wedding.

6:50pm-7:30: Photographers ask the least camera-friendly folks to pose. You can probably imagine how that works out.

7:30-???: Reception. Great times. All good. Hopefully none caught on camera, except all anyone seemed to be doing was taking pictures or reviewing the ones they just took. I made friends with the wedding crashers. Suffice to say, the donkey really was a great uniter.

11pm: Done.

Friday, June 1

9am: Breakfast, relaxation, swim in the beach.

5pm: Head to Playa del Carmen

6pm: Drink margaritas, eat our weight in guacamole and live it up. Great night.

11pm: Nightcap in Puerto Morales. We bond with a dog. We are clearly missing home at this point.

Saturday, June 2:

7am: Rise and shine for breakfast and final packing. The Seattle contingent gets home at 7pm.

10:00pm: I blog this whole story. So much more to come.


Norm said...

Fantastic. Y'all rule. ;)

Talix said...

So did P's luggage ever show up?

cornutt said...

She did - it was delivered to the hotel in the middle of the night. She had to sleep in travel clothes, which was unfortunate and had to do without her eye drops for a night, but it did finally arrive in Mexico.