Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Once Upon a Time

I am not sure, having not seen a doctor, but am pretty certain that most of me is broken. Sliced and diced. I haven't ever felt this way. I hope no one I know ever feels this way. It is almost inhumane.

I have some bizarro instinct, a basic instinct (with 180% less crotch shot), to just hunker down and deal. So here is my reminder to myself tomorrow morning, of the five things I need to accomplish tomorrow.

1) You are nutty busy at work and have enough shit on your plate to keep you occupied for the next month. Fucking run with it. You do your best work when your back is against the wall and you owe it to your clients who have hired you to help them to actually help them. Fuck your shit. Take satisfaction in helping others. Get that outline for that brief done tomorrow and don't think about anything else. You have to work all weekend on that other thing. Do the right thing by your client and stop thinking about yourself. You absolutely, positively, cannot renounce your other obligations because you don't want to get out of bed.

2) You got yourself here. Eyes wide open. This is entirely on you. Every time you start to feel bad about the past, remember that you own it all. Nothing happened to you, you just made choices. Also, this is a list of shit to do tomorrow. Put a rubber band around your wrist and snap it to remember that you are responsible for the way you feel because of the actions you have taken. You are not an innocent bystander in your life.

3) Get your shit together for the 4th of July. You love the 4th and how much fun you can have with it. Make your shopping list, budget the time this weekend and get the fixings.

4) Have that conversation with B. You know the one. Do it tomorrow. Get it over with.

5) Put one foot in front of the other and just walk. Walk your dog, walk to work, walk wherever you need to go. No one got anywhere by feeling sorry for themselves or not being real. Fuck that noise as well. You can and will survive anything. You fucking rule and you need to remain the kind of person you would admire. That, inner self, is why you aren't a crazy internet person and why you are the kind of person that always, fucking always, takes the high road. You can make every mistake known to mankind and bounce back because you fucking own it and you are real. Believe that, self.

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