Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Obligatory Top 10 Things For Which I Am Thankful

I need to do this, if for no other reason than this goddamn thing is so emo. Reverse order for no fucking reason.

10) The internets. Not only do I get to whine like a junior high school girl, but I have met and developed great relationships as a result. I also have developed something of an insatiable "answer on demand" thing, but I'll stay positive.

9) Finding new interests. I am sort of rediscovering what interests me and what makes me tick and I get to indulge those without feeling sort of silly and self-conscious.

8) Living alone. I am a great roommate and all that, but the freedom that comes from having your own home that is all yours? Kind of kickass at times. No guilt for a four hour FoodTV session, no quizzical looks when you decide on a midnight bath for the dog, no judgment if you just aren't in the fucking mood to clean the house to spec quality. Can be lonely, to be sure, but for now? I'll stick with kickass.

7) Peace in the whole dissolution thing. Yes, I will probably attempt to return to the no-contact thing, but I have come to the realization that I have no interest in making it unnecessarily hostile. That is what comes of honoring a long relationship and the history associated therewith. I will always love the person I married and I don't feel the need to apologize for it, at least today. I picked well, but things just didn't work out the way I had hoped.

6) A career I enjoy. Yes, some days I hate it with all of my being, but all told, I have a job where I get to help people while simultaneously stretching my intellectual muscles. Some days I miss those jobs that you get to leave at work and some days I want to hit my clients with a fry pan, but in the end, I have a career that I am proud of.

5) My home. Yes, it bears the ghost of a decaying relationship, but I love it and always have. It feels more like home now than it did years ago. It is beautiful, fierce and mine and I intend to spend the better half of 2007 making it more reflective of me.

4) My dog. I love my dog more than I could ever explain. She is a dog version of me - independent, not needy (aside from the separation anxiety thing, but really, she just wants to tag along -- not demanding), goofy and easy going. She is protective, loving, playful and doesn't bitch when I decide we need to walk for seven miles.

3) My friends. I am humbled by your love and support on an almost hourly basis. I have a network of folks who would lay down in traffic for me if necessary, or choke a bitch if necessary (hello, AB). Even if I am loathe to call upon it, I cannot tell you how safe it makes me feel to know I can make a phone call and have a caring and sympathetic ear. I don't use it as much as I should and probably because of the comfort I take in knowing you are all there. I intend to repay every act of kindness and friendship that has been extended to me and will spend my lifetime doing so.

2) My family. I probably don't deserve the safety net of support you have offered, as Lord knows, I have been MIA for important issues in the past. My brothers and sister are fucking kickass and we have everything you could want in a family. A special debt of gratitude exists for my aunt A, who has been my closest friend for most of my life. I also am blessed by the best father you could ever want -- knowing your father respects you is such a wash of confidence.

1) My character. Despite all of the turmoil, I haven't turned into the person I feared (bitter, pessimistic, ugly, petty and whatnot). While I do believe I have worked and earned this character, I know intuitively that some of it was inherited. Trust and rely on that character, cupcake and never let anyone or anything take away from it. You have reason to be proud of who you are.


Norm said...

beautiful post
beautiful post-er.

Talix said...

Random item on "Top 10 Greatest Things About Living Alone" list: the leftovers you are looking forward to are always there.

Karen Shanley said...

Totally relate to lovin' the house, even though less than spec clean, a dog (in my case, 2 dogs)worthy of deep and abiding love, a job you feel lucky to have, a dad who's also a super-hero, and friends til the end.
Sometimes, even in the midst of turmoil, life is very, very good.

IGTF said...

Call anytime you've got a cliff you need dragging away from.
Hell, I've lost count of how many times you've talked me down from the clock tower.