What You STILL Don't Get

B:

There is something surreal about you suggesting that I am getting wound up when we talk about certain issues as of late, as I have never exhibited the kind of rage and bullying that you did over the course of our marriage. I am just detached and tend to call it as I see it now, without any fear of reprisal from you. As I have said earlier, you always had the advantage on becoming irrationally and frighteningly angry and I would diffuse it with tears. I still have plenty of tears, but they aren't necessary to diffuse your episodes anymore. We aren't an "us" anymore and you took every action to make sure that we were done.

That said, I have an interest in you doing the right thing. I kept expecting you to do that over the course of the past year, but I had rose-colored glasses and an unrealistic assessment of your character. What is crazy is that I still went to the mat for you, getting SK suspended, getting websites pulled, etc. How one-sided was that? Mounting a defense for someone who couldn't be bothered to reciprocate. Always your staunchest and ruthless defender. What a thankless job that proved to be -- I really hope you never discover that your relationship is completely one-sided. You can't begin to understand that type of pain and hurt.

I don't believe a word that comes out of your mouth anymore, largely because you haven't told me the truth about a lot of things in a lot of years. More to the point, when you had an issue, I jumped and asked how high. When I had an issue, it was demoted to the lowest position on your priority list. You, of all people, can't imagine how demoralizing that is, as you bark orders to people you don't respect, including me. I am ashamed at how obedient and willing I was to follow your barked orders, as you didn't deserve my obedience and compliance. You gave absolutely nothing in return -- not respect, certainly not loyalty, and no semblance of honoring my loyalty to you.

Ever solution-oriented, here's what we'll do. You and I will both close on our respective loans next week, at the deal that I negotiated for us (after six weeks of bullshit with the idiot Jensen). I'll pay the debts we have out of my cash out and you'll do......whatever you've decided to do. As for the professional matter, I won't count on you at all. I'll give you what I have (and have had since last March, but hey, you have been busy) and you can make your decisions from there. I don't want to be involved in the drama anymore, as it is completely thankless and worthless. I don't want or need to be informed of anything -- you just play the role of Manager and toe the line. I've done what you have asked and want no part of the incompetence and impotence.

As for the divorce papers, well, I'll just hold my breath for another couple of weeks, until I get the phone call, most likely from J, telling me that they are ready for pick up.

I'm angry, B, and I deserve to be. You have been a really shitty friend to me, to say nothing of a husband, and the same cannot be said of me. This is an inevitable consequence of treating your wife, friend and marriage like utter shit. I have endeavored to take the high ground on all of this but I am more than entitled to throw a little anger in your direction.