Friday, October 13, 2006

True to Form

Despite telling me he would get the papers to me today, they never arrived. I kind of wanted to file on a Friday, just in case certain reporters were still trolling for information (long story). I suppose I can wait until next Friday, which necessarily assumes he will finally get them to me. The delay is par for the course -- when B wants something done, it gets done immediately, but when I want something done, it cascades down the priority ladder. Maddening. I am trying very hard not to be the shrill, ball-busting ex, but goddamn it, I have been asking for these for a month and there are no fucking disagreements on the property settlement.

I also discovered today that my refinance is $6K more than I was told. Also maddening. I didn't get the chance to shop around and find the best rate, as I needed to refi as soon as possible so as to enable B to close on time. Which he didn't anyway because the mortgage broker is a tool. He also got in a motorcycle accident right in the middle of this and I am now dealing with his "associate." I am going to open up a can of serious whoop ass on Monday and get that figure down at least $3K.

I just bought an Animal Dyson! Hooray for retail therapy! Incidentally, since our separation, I have hired a housekeeper (weekly basis), purchased a Roomba and now a Dyson. I guess I adopted a little of that anal-retentiveness that irked the fuck out of me so bad during our marriage. I am NOT going to perpetuate the musuem-like feel, however -- I actually took out a few dollars to get some new furniture. I love most of it, but need to change things around so it doesn't look like our old home together. And I am going to get rid of that fucking chair that I never liked -- sofa king boring and useless. I am also going to recover those two awesome chairs that we always were planning on recovering. B wanted to do it in mohair, but I was always against it. Mohair looks nice but isn't comfortable or practical. There is probably a wise metaphor in that but it is Friday and I am le tired.

One of the things that I have been thinking about is my name. In the papers, you can check a box to go back to your maiden name (or any name, for that matter). It never occurred to me to change my name back. I have had this name for twelve years and I like it. But it is his name and that gives me some pause. Am I hanging onto the name because of my connection with him? I don't think so -- I think it is because this is the name I've had for so long, that so many friends associate with me, and the name I have used professionally. I don't think I am ready to part with it just yet, and certainly not before I file the papers (has to be checked then). If I decide later to go with a different name, I can ante up the filing fee and have it changed. As an aside, B changed to our last name shortly before we got married. He had used his stepfather's name growing up and, by the time we met, his stepfather was long out of the picture. B didn't want me to take that name, so he (well, I did it for him) filed the name change petition and went back to his birth name. So I guess, in a way, we both adopted it at the same time. It is almost both of our names.

Final thought -- when you are married to an Irish citizen (who is, by definition, a citizen of the EU), you are entitled to apply for Irish (and EU) citizenship. I had always planned on doing that and think I still might, at least while we're still married (unless it will delay the divorce). I may one day desire to live abroad and would like to enjoy the benefits of that citizenship. It seems like an acilliary benefit to my marriage that I would like to use. The only thing that bothers me is that B never used our marriage as a means to get U.S. citizenship (and his reasons were downright silly), so it seems incongruous for me to use our marriage as means of obtaining EU citizenship. I think I can get over that one.

Plus, it would really fuck up my internet logins.

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