90 More Days

I just haven't had anything to say. Still not sure I do, but am doing it for the exercise and personal growth (watch this space!).

I am on the cusp of change. I refiled for divorce today, a safety measure, as the court is considering my motion to reinstate the original filing LAST GODDAMN YEAR. However, today was the last day to file a finalized divorce in 2007. I have a hearing at 10am on December 31st, the day my brother is geting married, and I have to admit, I love the idea of waking up in 2007, getting divorced, going to a great party, then waking up the next day to a new year and going forward, legally single. There is a better than average chance that, in the interim 90 days, that the court will resurrect the original dissolution petition and I will be divorced before then, but I have my plan B to be fucking done with this shit by the end of the year.

As an aside, and I am so tired of talking about B, but the little shit has STILL not signed the revised property settlement agreement. It makes no practical sense, as we are not arguing about anything anymore and he is living with someone else. Yet he still calls me nearly every day and tries to arrange get-togethers and conversations. J said it best tonight - he doesn't want to lose his security blanket. I lost mine three years ago and am still dealing with it, but I don't miss it. I will always miss the B I used to know, but I don't miss him now, and I don't think I miss our former life anymore.

I just have no idea where I am going. Right now, I am so very close to quitting my job and starting a new career. I have had some interesting conversations with the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, owing to the language, cultural and negotiation skills. Worse fates in life than spending Bill Gates' money, to be certain. Also talking seriously to Starbucks. That would be an in-house position and only one client, which sounds delicious. Hell, I am talking to my friend's company, whom I rep in litigation matters, and I can be persuaded to jump to his ship. Still on the table is the google gig and the semester position at NYU. Change is definitely in the air and soon. I just need to do some thinking.

As for Writer Guy, well, we are on a break from not dating. I am in no position to focus on a relationship, especially where my heart and head are still working through the last one. I hate that I am going to miss this opportunity, but the timing is all wrong. It always feels wrong when I am with him, as he is a great guy who deserves a full-time girlfriend. I will be better in 90 days. Maybe then. Maybe.

I feel like I am on the cusp of some profound changes in my life and that is totally unsettling and yet entirely welcome. In the short term, I have a list of friends that I have completely abandoned and let down, and I need to make some amends on the home front. This was a weird little tailspin that I fell into, but I think I am rediscovering my balance and clawing my way out.

Also, it is time to quit bad habits. Way overdue.