Thursday, July 19, 2007

Property Settlement Wars, Part I

[Ed. Note: B wants to come to my condo and do a "final walk through." As you can see, I have strong feelings about that.]

I seem to do better in written form, so here goes.

As I have explained to you, I am very uncomfortable at the idea of you coming into my home and "shopping" for furnishings for your new place. Although I understand that you believe you have a right to come in and do a "final walk through" and lay claim to certain items, I disagree. This has been my exclusive home for damn near three years, and (as I type this, I can feel your dismissive eye-rolling) it has been the only place I have felt safe and secure in all of this. Just as you don't want me rummaging about in your private life, nor do I want you to invade mine.

The only things you want to lay claim to are material objects that you can replace. As I said last night in the text message, the only thing you can't replace is me. The "stuff" didn't matter to you for the past three years, as you have already been here and retrieved items that you wanted. None of this was important to you until you suddenly had a new place that you wanted to decorate and now you seem to want to do it without regard to the reality of the past three years. This condo wasn't your storage unit. I have moved those items that were clearly not "ours" or otherwise part of our home (as well as your few personal items) into a separate storage unit and I look forward to assigning that obligation to you. But please try to understand that it is patently unfair to think you now have the right to come in and pick and choose those artifacts from our former life together with which you want to accessorize your new life.

Divorce is all about rebuilding and replacing. You took our former social life in the divorce, leaving me to wear a brave face in public when the subject of us came up. You didn't ever stop to think how your wholesale substitution of me would affect me personally or socially. You never even bothered to tell me the truth - the whole truth - and are still bullshitting me to this day. I deserve so much more than that, but that is your cross to bear.

All of that said, I think we need to strike a compromise so that this bullshit doesn't keep rearing its ugly head. I don't want a phone call from you two years from now, wanting another walk through to see if there is anything else you want from our years together. So here we go. Here is my compromise. These are my terms.

1. This is a one-shot deal. Come prepared and be on time. Rent a truck, bring boxes, and a friend to help, as this cannot be an all-day affair.
2. Clear out the storage unit in the condo building first. All of that is your random stuff and I haven't touched it. Toss it, keep it, whatever. Get it all out.
3. BEFORE YOU GET HERE - email me a list of things you want from the condo itself. Please don't feed me that bullshit about not remembering what is here. Sell that bullshit elsewhere, I have known you too long. You know every goddamn piece of artwork in this condo, seeing as you picked it all out. Sure, you might not remember the no-name pieces, but you know the bulk of it. You are not expected to remember each and every piece, but please don't act stupid or unknowing. Just tell me what you want and I promise you that I will be reasonable in each and every consideration.
4. When you are here at the condo, doing your "walk through" - you don't get to take anything unless I hand it to you. As I said, and as you know, I am remarkably reasonable, but expect nothing and you won't be disappointed. Together with the list you will send AHEAD of time, I will then have a good understanding of what material objects you want to take from our marriage. I will be cool like Fonzie.
5. After you leave with whatever I give you at that time, I will be reasonable in considering whatever requests you have. I will round up whatever it is that I am willing to part with and I will have Damian deliver them to you within a few days.

I can still feel you rolling your eyes and I don't give a shit. I have long since adapted to the reality that you don't want to see anything from my perspective. I am not remotely interested in being a ball buster or a vindictive ex-wife -- quite the contrary, as history clearly shows -- I just feel really fucking strongly about this. It takes an inordinate amount of gall to even request what you are asking. That said, I can appreciate that you don't think you are being unreasonable. I hope this compromise works for you.


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