Backdraft

Angry Thursday really had some legs this week. Holy hell. Feeling angry and bitchy really isn't my thing and feels downright foreign. I am snappish with my boss, was short with Lingering Colleague and am ignoring my neglected dog. Who, incidentally, rewarded my behavior by playing with a roll of toilet paper while I was at work today, which meant I was greeted with a ticker tape parade when I got home.

Fucking fantastic. All hail the glorious Dyson.

The bad (in no particular order):

1) Client #3 from last post needs to settle the case, even though he would be utterly vindicated at trial, and most likely at the outset. You never get a sure thing, but this is as close as it can possibly get. Putting my ego and legal chops aside, I understand his decision and am doing everything I can to get it done, but these things just cannot be rushed or forced. The biggest errors in a case are made at the beginning and the end, and his impatience is rattling me. This is also why you never represent a friend or his company. I often become friends with clients in the course of representation, but when there is a personal relationship that predates the representation, things get murky.

2) I hit my head at John and Kathy's wedding in May. I had a goose egg for weeks, but it is mostly gone. Thing is, it still hurts. I'm not kidding. Sometimes, it is a really sharp pain, but most of the time, it will ache dully. That can't be good.

3) Random, irrational anger at folks with whom I had a prior relationship, be it friendship, marriage, or other. I think I have a delayed response when it comes to anger, as I am usually called upon to be the rational one, or, perhaps more accurately stated, I default into logical mode when it comes to emotional fallouts. Take responsibility and offer up an apology when called for, try to work through it when and if possible, take the high road if the other person behaves badly, and always honor the relationship you once had. It sucks that I haven't chosen relationships with like-minded people in the past.

Quasi-related: I had a post-workout thought today that there is a correlation between folks with strong extended family networks and friends who subscribe to the same set of rules. The theory probably needs some fine-tuning. I do believe that my values on relationships is influenced considerably by the fact that I grew up with three siblings. Brothers and sisters routinely commit unspeakable crimes against each other, but you learn to deal and move past them. Sure, maybe it is just the "but you're family" thing, but every only child I know is different in this regard. Too black and white, too quick to judge, and too ready to permanently burn bridges.

B is an only child. How I wish he would permanently burn the bridge between us. Then again, I probably keep putting out the goddamn fire. I should have been a fireman.

4) The Today Show. Holy hell, what a mess of a show. I don't really watch it, but it is background noise as I start my day. I usually don't even passively listen, but today I caught a few snippets and actually had to change the channel. I have no idea who watches those shows. Well, hell, I know exactly who watches those shows. The folks that don't read and like being told what they already believe.

5) The Media, generally. Bunch of chickenshits, but we dictate what they report. One need only peruse the "most emailed" articles on the NYT or even local paper's website. Utterly embarrassing.

The Good:

1) Weekend starts tomorrow. (The Bad: I am working most of it)
2) SISTER SENT BAGS AND BAGS OF TORTILLAS!! (The Bad: I left them in the work refrigerator and have to eat the shitty ones tomorrow for breakfast)
3) I handled Blind Date Guy via email. (The Bad: I hurt his feelings. I hate that.)
4) I think I am back in LA a few days next week. (The Bad: it will likely be mid-week and I want to stay for part of the weekend)
5) Harmless crush on writer I admire is fun and witty and emailed a dozen times today. (The Bad: he is fucking married. Hell to the no.)
6) B finally paid me some of the money he owes me, and I needed it. (The Bad: still no signed divorce papers. He forgot. He'll "drop them off tomorrow or put them in the mail." Motherfucker.)