Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Silver Lining

This entry (nee entree - HAR!) is probably going to be like the last. Not well formed or particularly coherent.

My reluctance towards getting involved with Writer Guy is rooted in reality. He is, timing wise, very much a rebound, and I continue to wish that I would have met him a couple of months from now. I still miss MRE quite a bit, some days much more than others. What struck me this morning was that I miss him -- who he is at his core -- much more than I miss our relationship. I don't think I can articulate it any better than that, except to say that I knew the weaknesses in our relationship. I knew that the dynamic wasn't hitting all the right notes. It was great in many ways, to be sure, but I was always aware of the fissures and cracks for us as a long-term couple. I was well aware and terrified of them, but I truly liked the guy as a person so much that I set those concerns aside, just to enjoy him.

This thought needs to be fleshed out better, but alas, I am le tired and don't want to revisit all of that tonight. I have a headache.

Today was such a great day, for so many reasons, and it felt fantastic to have a really good day. I got up at 5 and listened to some music. It is odd - before MRE, I hadn't given much thought to music whatsoever. My ipod contains pretty old tunes and very few recent songs. MRE was very into music and sent me a new song almost every day. He gave me a lot of presents in that regard - Mindy Smith, Glen Phillips, Kasey Chambers -- quite a few. I didn't give him much in return - Alexi Murdock, John Butler Trio and a handful of random tunes. Thing is, when you break up with someone, after a while, you need to hear new sounds. Something different, fresh and without any of the reminders we all tend to associate with certain songs.

I went on an i-tunes bender a few weekends ago and just surfed the living crap out of that site. I found quite a few new (to me) artists and groups that really piqued my interest. One of them is Rilo Kiley. Goddamn, such fun to listen to. All of them are former child actors and the lead, Jenny, has such a simple yet distinctive voice. I love them and was rocking out to Silver Lining around Greenlake this morning, wanting to sing along at the top of my lungs. I was quite surprised to hear my favorite radio station play the same tune today on the New Music Spotlight. For once, in at least a long time, I was in the know.

I also discovered Josh Ritter(if a person can listen to Right Moves and not want to dance, I don't want to know them), Rosie Thomas and Brandi Carlile (w00t for local girls), Colbie Caillet, Catie Curtis, and rediscovered Amos Lee, Silverchair (Straight Line is just fantastic), and Damian Rice (Cannonball is just haunting). I needed a new soundtrack and I think I have started building it. Huzzah to moving forward and personal growth. I was amazed at how different I felt, just from listening to new music. I have never had that experience through music and it was beyond welcome. I felt more like me today than I have in a long, long time, and while it is a different me, it was still so comforting to feel right in my own skin.

Career-wise, the case that has been vexing me for too many reasons that I probably cannot describe got a break today as well. Yes, Z, that same case that was rescheduled in April was again rescheduled today, but today, it was a very good thing. Yes, I was still pissed off at the court on general principle (this is the third time it has been rescheduled by the court, a mere two weeks before trial date), but for the client, who has many competing concerns, it was a very welcomed move. I am still going to LA for a mediation in the near term, but so much pressure has been taken off.

Ended the evening with dinner with the family - all of us in town. Keegan and his to-be bride, Kyle and his to-be fiancee (I just know this), me and Mom. The rule of short ribs proved true, once again, and we all just had a blast together. Kyle just got a new puppy, so there were playdates to be made, and I got to know his live-in girlfriend better. She is fuck-you gorgeous, by the way. Holy hell, what a rack on that chick, and a body and face to boot (pun intended). As much as I loved his last girlfriend, I just sort of realized that he is probably going to marry this one. At our first meeting, I was on the fence, but am now starting to see it.

Things are moving forward and I finally feel as though I am as well. I still wish I could meet Writer Guy in November. He is too interesting to waste as a rebound relationship, as I have no confidence that I would not presently repeat my mistakes of the recent and distant past.

1 comment:

Norm said...

Unit 1 got to meet Glen Phillips the other week. She got his Hancock, and one for me on an old(ish) Toad CD. He is awesome. I'm still kicking myself for not seeing them play back when it was possible to see them jam in someone's garage for free ;)