BUI - First Recognized Offense

Having split a bottle of wine and had two cocktails, I think I am legally intoxicated, and yet I feel sober. And need to record this for posterity and all that.

I canceled my dinner date with Writer Guy, only to get set up last minute (by well meaning friends) with Blind Date Guy. Oh holy hell, I am not ready for this racket.

Blind Date Guy was nice. So very nice. So very sweet and adoring and kept grabbing my hand across the table. Generous with the compliments, to say the least. He kept remarking about my perfume, which is odd, since I don't wear it. I have a scented oil that I slather on after a shower, but I haven't known it to be detectable 12 hours later. At one point, he told me that he was completely intimidated by my sense of humor and my "cutting wit." He told me that he was crazy about me and that he hadn't felt this way about anyone in years.

Oh dear. I have no idea how to deal with this. He is a nice guy, to be sure, but not anyone I want a second date with. I don't think I even want to be friends with him, as he brought very little clever to the table. He was attractive physically, I think objectively, but not attractive on what I dig on. I dodged the after-date kiss situation with a peck on the cheek as I fretted on how to say "thanks, but no thanks." I haven't dated since college, and right now? Writer Guy is looking more and more attractive -- he has the confidence and persistence that resonates. Blind Date Guy is just smitten for no reason, since he doesn't really know me.

I feel terrible at hurting his feelings and have no idea how to tell him that I am not interested in any relationship with him. How fucking mean is that? "Look, cupcake, I think you are a nice guy but there is no potential here. Do you want to segue into friends who watch movies together, or should we pronounce this DOA?" I would hate it if I had a hard on for some guy and he felt the way I am feeling and didn't tell me. I am so out of dating shape.

There is an entry that needs to be made about the three phone calls I got today. All of them former friends of the B&K story, asking what the fuck happened to B. Where did our boy go? Three phone calls in one day. I have no answer, even though I know that these callers were wondering whether it was attributable to "when you left B." As if that were the event that triggered it.

Fuck, the booze is hitting me and I am le tired. I don't want B, I don't want Blind Date Guy, I don't know what, if anything, I want from Writer Guy, and right now? Just want to be left the fuck alone. I have a great vibrator if I need an orgasm, but I am not craving companionship or someone to invade my space.

I probably need to get a few cats at this point.