Bourdain

I had this whole thing to write, but it still isn't fully formed. It has something to do with the men I am attracted to. I like them strong. Manly. Purposeful. Certain. Confident. And I connected all of this to celebrity chefs.

I am an Anthony Bourdain kind of gal. Aside from his earring, he does it for me. Blunt, smart, confident, passionate, flawed, cute and charming. I feel similarly towards Tom Colicchio - self-assured, talented, confident, clever and therefore attractive.

I thought, conversely, about Alton Brown and Tyler Florence and other Food Network chefs. They don't do it for me at all, even though they are talented and sweet and charming. They lack what I need. Presence - larger and better than mine. It isn't just the nice geeky guy thing, although that is part of it. They aren't manly enough. Weak. I need strength in personality. Geeky is fine, but I need someone who owns the room.

I compete in a man's world, albeit in nicer shoes, and have to straddle the disconnect between striving to be attractive, smart, clever, articulate, persuasive and approachable, while my male counterparts just have to be smart. I've said this before. It still pisses me off, that imbalance. It is the professional equivalent of the whole "ladies in the kitchen, whores in the bedroom" mentality. Bothersome.

I had a conversation with Writer Guy on Saturday night, which went something like this:

Writer Guy: You know, all this talk about how you have to work this weekend and can't take the time for a meal, we could be having kickass quesadillas at El Camino.

Me: [Awkward silence] [Thinks to self, "did I tell him how much I loved those quesadillas? How did he know that?"] Did I mention my love of the shrimp quesadillas there?

Writer Guy: Not to me, but I overheard you tell Tom (Douglas) that it was one of your favorite dishes in Seattle. Just think about it. We could argue about how you don't want to date over one of those babies, smothered in guacamole.

Me: [Did I tell him my love of guacamole?] I love guacamole. I love all things avocado.

Writer Guy: I know. You have it in your breakfast burrito every morning.

Me: [I couldn't have mentioned my breakfast burrito maybe more than twice] Not every morning. I vary it up every day.

Writer Guy: So let's go get grab a quesadilla at El Camino, smothered in guac, and further debate why you don't want to date me right now.

Me: I can't. I have an early soccer game and need rest.

Writer Guy: Didn't you say your game was at 11, and that you rarely get up after 7am? And Lower Woodland, isn't it?

Me: Holy shit, the man is a stalker.


Except he isn't. He is just a guy that pays attention. I don't know what the fuck to do with this. He listens, processes, remembers and isn't nearly as self-involved as the recent men in my life. And I have no fucking idea what to do with him. What would I possibly do with someone who paid as much attention as I do.

Right now, the answer is "blow him off."