Monday, April 16, 2007

You Ever?

Write a blog post about one thing on your mind, only to realize it can easily be interpreted to apply to something else entirely? You can either delete or laugh at the sense of humor of the internet karma gods.

I have a friend (K) who has a friend going through a mountain of shit right now. Said friend's friend has completely withdrawn, isolated and cut everyone off because that's what she does when she gets backed into a corner. Burns bridges, crosses lines, all of that.

I guess I'll never understand those people. I think that is attributable to the manner in which I grew up. You could leave an entire country behind, only to run into a former friend in a new country, in a new school, with all of the old wounds unresolved. That happened more than I ever thought possible.

(Random story: There was a completely dorky guy in Saudi who had almost every annoying and unattractive quality and tic. Coke bottle glasses, spit when he spoke, generally nerdy, etc. I wasn't as big of an asshole to him as most, but I certainly wasn't friendly. Fast forward many years later and he is living in the country my parents were in. My parents had his family over for dinner and he was still a dork, albeit an older dork and one I could relate to better with the wisdom of a few more years of life experience. He and I ended up going on a trip that weekend that remains one of the better vacations I've ever taken.)

Another thing I'll never understand is the failure to directly communicate. So sayeth the recent divorcee, so there is plenty of irony poisoning on all fronts. In the early to middle parts of my marriage, direct communication was the norm - almost to a fault. If B had an issue? Oh I heard about it immediately - loud and clear, and the same was generally true from me, although I fancied myself a better communicator. It wasn't until the last two years that we stopped really communicating with each other and started avoiding.

That is the case with most of my relationships, especially my family. We are startlingly direct. Painfully so, much of the time, at least among the siblings. I am so much more comfortable with direct, head on collision, full on body contact communication. Put all the cards are on the table and there is a chance for resolution (not necessarily reconciliation, but resolution). Passive aggressive is not my style, doesn't look good on anyone and doesn't solve anything beyond perpetuating conflict. It continues to amaze me how many people don't realize that.

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