Wednesday, February 07, 2007


So I am so very tired of speaking about my divorce and all that, but I want to write this out so I remember it.

Yes. B has new girlfriend and new life. As do I. Life is moving the fuck on. Good times.

He called me yesterday (N.B. - this blog entry took me two days to compile, so this was Tuesday) to "update me" on all things B. I laughed, made a few remarks about how I am not interested in his life. Such is divorce. Not his wife, friend, attorney or lover. Don't care. We shared a few joking moments about my need to know everything and some remnants of our former life. Is awkward -- this whole thing. But at the end, I was feeling cool about where I am. Not angry, not bitter, just not wanting to be involved. It isn't my role anymore. I was content and I thought I made the point. Not your best friend. Not your attorney. Not your touchstone. Not your lover. Talk to your girlfriend about this shit. I don't care.

Next day (yesterday), I am totally under the bus at work and am about to start an at least two hour conference call with a very demanding client. B calls and says "do you have a minute? I need to ask you a question." I said "you have five minutes -- go." He said "no, I need more than five minutes, call me later." We go back and forth with me asking him to just tell me what the hell it is, but he won't budge. I get off the phone wondering WTF is the latest drama. Divorce related? Is he going to fuck with my hearing date? WTF?

Conference call has an abrupt end half an hour later and I get a phone call from J (his employee), who opens the call with "have you spoken to B?" Oh shit - this is bigger and worse than I thought. I said "no, he wouldn't tell me what was up -- WTF is up?" J tells me that B absolutely lost it at work - unleashed on his CFO. Unleashed has a different meaning here - when B loses his shit, all bets are off. He said some incredibly actionable things to his CFO (a woman), including cunt, "glad you never had kids," etc. Really bad. Is a cunt's hair away from losing his job, quite frankly.

Q. Why is this my problem?
A. It isn't, except I always rescue B.

Inevitable phone call with B ensues, wherein he relates his most recent act of self-destruction. I lay into him about how I am not his problem-solver anymore, these are inevitable consequences of being an asshole, blah blah. I finally said "B, what is your gut instinct to solve this problem?" His answer? "to call you."

Holy fuck. I have a decision to make. Tell him to man up and solve it himself or do what I believed at the time was the right thing - solve the fucking problem. So I said some unkind things about how I shouldn't be doing this shit, but gave him the right advice and solution to solve the problem (hint: it involves an unqualified apology to the CFO and a lot of humility). I am brutal in my advice but very specific in its application and he says "okay, I am going to do exactly what you said. I know I don't deserve this conversation, K, and you are an amazing person to do this."

No shit, Sherlock. I unleash a few more barbs, then tell him to get it done.

So here we are today -- big day where he has to somehow undo what he did, following my advice. As he is utterly wont to do, he followed it but put his own stupid, idiotic twists on it that changed it from a solution to a band aid, but the man is still employed.

You probably are expecting the paragraph about the conversation where he thanks me, yet again, for saving his ass. Except it didn't happen. Heard nothing today from him. Only from J, who told me what happened.

They say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result. I did the same thing I did throughout our marriage, expecting that he would be grateful and appreciative and at least say thank you.

That, my few loyal readers, means I am insane.


Talix said...

Real insanity is when you you repeat the same behavior knowing you are going to get exactly the same results.

*has t-shirt*

Is continuing to help him about him or about you? One purpose bailing him out serves is giving you the unrefutable moral high ground. Do you feel like others (or you) will think less of you(rself) if you let him sink or swim on his own?

Don't let yourself be a martyr. Martyrs die. You deserve better.

cornutt said...

I am about to post something that will probably explain it. But yes - it is occupying the moral high ground and not seeming like a bitch.

Which is insane.