Time

I am filing for divorce this week.

I never really thought it would come to this, even after this long separation. I am finally ready to confront a world where I am not part of a duo. I am finally ready to accept that love doesn't conquer all, and that sometimes? You can believe the best and that however fucked up the journey, it will alll work itself out.

I love my husband. I always will. But this marriage cannot be saved without dedicated efforts by both parties and a willingness and desire to do anything to keep it together. My husband is a great man in many ways and an almost impossible standard to meet. But he hasn't done any of the work to keep this marriage together and, in fact, I feel like he would pretty much throw his efforts anywhere but here. He seems to think I'm going to be ready, willing and able to put in back together whenever he can pencil it in, but the truth is, I'm not. He wore me down by attrition.

He wanted a divorce two years ago, even if he can't admit it. Fuck, he can't admit it now. I held on, thinking that there would be some magical moment or some grand gesture that evidenced his committment to us and keeping this 14 year relationship together. It didn't happen and now, it is, in the words of someone else, too late. Now, it looks like I'll get a decree of divorce just in time for the holidays.

Merry Christmas.