Thanks

I often forget what I should be thankful for, but right now, I know.

I am thankful for a family that, for all its various quirks, is real. We don't bullshit each other, there are no subjects that are off limits, and we interact more honestly than any other family I know. I know that for many people, our style of interaction is awkward at best and painfully brutal at worst, but I prefer a candid, aggressive style of communication. Those folks who dance around elephants in their lives -- more power to them, I guess -- but I don't want to have dinner with them. I would have dinner with my sibs or my extended family any day of the week. God, so lucky to have them and love them and have them love me.

I am thankful for friends. Friends are the family you choose, and I have unusually good taste. The pea came to Thanksgiving dinner for her fourth year in a row, and if you knew the dynamic of our T-bird feast, you would know what that meant. I only wish that all of my friends would come over and that I could recreate my great aunt's scratch dinners for them to enjoy. I am so fucking lucky.

I am thankful that I am better now. I know I have miles to go before I sleep and all that, but I am better. I feel better. I am better. I am going to be so much better. I am so fucking thankful for that optimism.

I am thankful for the past loves in my life. I was so lucky to feel that way and love that way and be loved that way back. That old saying is true, as I am a better person for having loved and been loved, and even that(tonight) gives me optimism.

And, as stupid as this sounds, I am so thankful for my dog. I know she doesn't like anyone as much as she likes me or the pea, but there is just something about that little creature that makes me feel lucky every day. She is a great companion and source of unconditional love, but more than anything, she reminds me that all you really have to do each day is get up, go for a long walk, and everything else will work itself out.

Finally, and while I write this only for my own mental health, thanks to the fine folks that read this tripe. Thanks for online friends who check in and comment to register their concerns. I don't know where this thing is going, but I thank you guys for listening. Even when I completely forget I have an audience. I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving.