Editor's Note

I realized that my previous post might have come across as a little cryptic concerning my online pal and could generate suspicion that it is someone known to my very small audience. Not the case. This person is not in any of our online social circles and is just someone I've come to know in the fairly recent past.

Not that he is the first online and married friend I've crushed on. Not by a long shot. Just different.

We shot the shit a little bit today while I was listening to the world's worst online CLE. I came to realize that in addition to crushing on him because he is smart, sharp and clever, I also am crushing on him because he is a good husband. If he weren't, I wouldn't find anything about him attractive. That also makes him safe to crush on, oddly.

In any event, I have long espoused the view that crushes are good for the soul. They remind you of the delight in getting to know another person and the fascinating aspect of chemistry. The internets, when not serious business, really bring out the intrigue in this chemistry, as you get to know someone via words and thoughts, not because they have a chiseled face or mischievous eyes. That is true for friends of both sexes -- I have developed several close friendships that originated online, owing to cleverly worded thoughts and expressions. For all the crap that gets said about online relationships, including some mocking of my own, it really is a pure way to get to know someone.

I haven't yet met someone in meatspace that was different from what they conveyed online. It is probably a matter of time. Either that, or I have been very astute in interpreting online personas and personalities. I don't think I come across differently in text than I do in person. I certainly don't try to. If anything, I am more restrained online. Your mileage may vary.

My mother came over last night, which was interesting. My mother and I have a very odd relationship, but she is really trying right now. She must have said "we are so proud of you" a dozen times and repeatedly stated that "this is a good starting over for you and you aren't starting from scratch." My mother got divorced when she was very young and had two babies. She got very lucky when she met my (technically step)father and for reasons that I may not ever really understand, they do have a very loving and enduring relationship. I told her that last night and wanted to reassure her that my impending divorce was not a reflection on any disallusionment with marriage I had observed growing up. Truthfully, I don't think she ever even considered that, but I think it made her feel proud that I admired her long marriage with my (technically step) dad.

The silver linings are beginning to shine brighter, even though I still find myself under some dark clouds. That has to be progress. It just has to be.